One weekend

Friday, i drove to twin, once i got there we started cleaning house for graduation. While on my way to get tables for grad. i got pulled over because i have over sized tires and apparently they kicked up a rock on the cop car following me. I did not receive a ticket, my dad on the other hand got a citation for not wearing his seat belt in the passengers seat hahahha i laughed. My big sister just graduated high school. I had to sneak into her grad. it wasnt too hard. watched the ceremony then had a party at our house for her. she went to her all night party. While she was there Kaitlynn(other sister), Austin(ryanns boyfriend) and I took a long walk to to bridge and just sat under it telling stories. great time. then we came back to the bon fire chilled with the adults and went to bed. Kaitlynn and i started our lord of the rings marathon. Sunday we cleaned up after the party then i took the dogs driving with my dad. Went to ice cream with my sister, had a birthday party at my aunts, and went swimming. My family is so awesome.. The birthday party was full of dirty conversations... u have to understand the only people there r my dad, step mom, aunt, great grandma, grandma uncle and uncle. and me. so im having dirty conversaations and making dirty jokes with my elders haha. then my great grandma who cant hear by the way, flips us all off as she says thats what she thinks of our nastiness hahaha. she can read lips good. but i was like wow my g-g-ma just flipped everyone off. ha. then after that my sister and a few friends and i went to the river and jumped in. ten o'clock at night... still practically winter.. it was so cold.. breath taking cold. but its tradition.. then we came home and continued our marathon.
I had such a great weekend. Im glad i got away. now i have to go back.. this week will be a sad one im sure. My newest sister is getting ready to leave :( after she graduates of course. Im excited to meet her family.

playing guitar

So Elin and I played at our art show today. The first time i was playing guitar with elin and i was singing as well. that didnt go so hot. then i played another song i know and i said cuss words into the mic. But then after a while elin and i played again. this time she played guitar while i sang and it went much better. and it was kinda intense because everyone had come to listen. but it went well :) also today i put chords to my song. and i really like it. thats just bout my day.

needed out of my head

i want to take a hitch hiking trip all around the US. and i want to randomly go to the airport and get a ticket to somewhere and i want to work all different jobs to get me from city to city, and i want to write songs that are ridiculously up beat and happy and i want to sing them on random corners. I want to help random people because they just need someone to help them through a day in their life. I want to live a life not just be alive for a life time. That may not make much sense to someone but right now i think about all this over and over again. I feel like most people settle, they arent doing what they want. they are just doing what they can easily reach because it's safer, and i think thats sad and i dont want that for anyone. I want their life to be what they truely chose.
I know you have to face reality. I understand that at a certain point u have to know what you cant really do but i think you can always find a way to do something you really want to do.
I just want to be able to do something. something that isn't just routine.

exciting weekend

It seems I don't have a whole lot to talk about lately, or I do I rather not say just yet haha. Well I have been sick for a couple days so I'm home right now.
The great thing about being sick and stuck at home is that I can play guitar all day long.. It's lovely.
Over the weekend we had the whole mulleys thing and young life. Saturday I actually can't recall. I don't remember much unless there is something that happened. Actually Elin and I went mothers day shopping and then I went and saw Iron Man 2 with my friend breezy and that night right after the movie breezy and i went to babysit. The kids we were babysitting are really little. . apparently trent the older of the two fell off his stool and smacked his head real hard cuz there was a knott so his mom was like if he acts funny just call us. I'm thinking ok.. he seems fine. well bout an hour after the parents leave he starts throwing up and stuff. so i call his mom who didnt answer til i called the nineth time. by this time he was on his fifth trip to the bathroom. I was guessing he had a concussion because then he said he was really tired. I've had a few and I know those are symptoms so i was like oh no. well after four conversations with his mom i convinced her to come home.. the next day i call to see how he is and wish her a happy mothers day and she claims he was just worked up because my friend came with me. funny thing is that day neither kid had ever been so chill. he was sitting with breezy watching a movie and i had thelittle one. I thought breezy helped. so i find it hard to believe that was the reason.. umm Sunday it was mothers day so we all went out to breakfast and then went bowling. That night I hung out with Ben..
and now im just at home playing guitar being sick. Today Elin and I are going for pizza. yay!!!

singing

Tonight I sang and played my guitar by myself for some people from young life.. I was so nervous. After all this isnt exactly like singing in front of a bunch of drunk people or just singing for ben and elin. These are people who are not drunk who actually here you and that i dont know so well. I went first.. And to my surprise it went really well. I kept my cool during the song and finished strong. Everyone was yelling and cheering. it felt pretty great i wont even lie. Maybe next time i will sing a song i wrote.
Afterwards i went to Mulleys where Ben and Elin were singing and playing. they sounded great as usual. It was their biggest night yet and they totally nailed it. I had no worries.. ha. While they did their thing I played pool with some friends. it was a great night all in all. now im bored out of my mind and hungry to the point of starvation... ha not really but still very hungry.
Well for now thats all i have. Maybe i will get some sleep. Going to the ranch tomorrow morning.. see some baby horses and once ben wakes up we will hang out. :)

my very own adventure

I'm not even sure what to say. I really haven't been so big on caring lately. I'm tired of hoping. I am just going to stop. It seems to always end in disappointment. Not completely I guess. Ben isn't moving after all. Which is totally awesome. Though it doesn't seem like much will happen like I want it to. That's okay though. I just want him here. We made this grand plan, I was so into it, I still am actually, but it's being put on hold for certain reasons which i understand but obviously don't like.
I just want to get on with my own life. Not a life I try to live to make people happy, to fulfill some sort of expectation someone has for me. It's so tiring. I want to live any way that I can. I would be incredibly happy living off cereal barely making rent with a good person. You may disagree and say that once i actually lived it I would feel different but you honestly don't know me. I would love just to have that experience if that were to be the adventure I went on. If it all worked out then hell ya that's even better but really if I were given this adventure and it ended up not working I would be ok with that. I would be living, I would have that experience, I just want something of my own life. Something not just another usual. I want to make it, not just follow some path many have taken.
I really wish our plan would work out. It would be so great. Living on our own doing things we love to get by. Being with a great person and trusting them enough to know that no matter which way it went it would all just be okay. I'm okay with any adventure headed my way, I really am, I just want it to be my adventure. My adventure with anyone else who is willing to live it with me.