I'm not even sure what to say. I really haven't been so big on caring lately. I'm tired of hoping. I am just going to stop. It seems to always end in disappointment. Not completely I guess. Ben isn't moving after all. Which is totally awesome. Though it doesn't seem like much will happen like I want it to. That's okay though. I just want him here. We made this grand plan, I was so into it, I still am actually, but it's being put on hold for certain reasons which i understand but obviously don't like.
I just want to get on with my own life. Not a life I try to live to make people happy, to fulfill some sort of expectation someone has for me. It's so tiring. I want to live any way that I can. I would be incredibly happy living off cereal barely making rent with a good person. You may disagree and say that once i actually lived it I would feel different but you honestly don't know me. I would love just to have that experience if that were to be the adventure I went on. If it all worked out then hell ya that's even better but really if I were given this adventure and it ended up not working I would be ok with that. I would be living, I would have that experience, I just want something of my own life. Something not just another usual. I want to make it, not just follow some path many have taken.
I really wish our plan would work out. It would be so great. Living on our own doing things we love to get by. Being with a great person and trusting them enough to know that no matter which way it went it would all just be okay. I'm okay with any adventure headed my way, I really am, I just want it to be my adventure. My adventure with anyone else who is willing to live it with me.
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