missing them

I dont have much to say. i havent eaten since elin left. the house is quiet and empty. i spend most my time with ben now. he is keeping me going but idk for how much longer because i just have to tell him goodbye in a couple months. til then im hanging on tight. i miss elin so much. i look at my wall which we never finished and i want to finish it but at the same time i dont because its not the same without her. i fixed my guitar. im really trying to find a way to texas with ben. i love that boy. im just going to say it. this place is empty to me. aside for ben now. he's filling me up but once he leaves all will be empty to me. elin meant so much to me and now that she is gone i have realized she meant more then i expected. i know for a fact ben is such a big part of me. without him im not going to be ok. in just a few minutes im going to break down to my mom and basically beg her to let me move to twin with my dad for a year. i tried last year.. didnt go like i wanted but thats ok because i stayed here and met two amazing people but now i want to move still. why shouldnt i. its my dad. i hardly see him. i have been with my mom for all my life. whats one year with my dad. ill be less then 3 hours away and i just want to spend my last year with him before i head to college because as of now im either going to texas or oregon. i want to be with my dad. so we can be close and hang like we never get to. is that so much to ask? why is that wrong.. i have been so lost and depressed for months and months. elin and ben brought me out of it but when im not with them i slip back into it. and that scares me. so here i go. standing p for what i want. wish me luck. i love you elin. i miss you so much. in case you read this.