If i could change any one thing.

I know everyone has had a moment they wish they could take back. i have them as well. and todays moment right now is at the top of my list. Since Elin is the only one who reads this i wont have to explain.

I am about to lose two people that im not sure i can handle losing. The impact they have made even surprised me. One amazing girl who lives with me and is now my big sister, and the other is a boy i don't want to say goodbye to.

Elin is leaving in less then two months. A day or two right after she graduates. it's not like she is just going a hundred miles away, even four hundred would be a road trip i could easily make but this is like many many more miles away. across an oceans worth of miles, literally across an ocean. I can't just see her all the time. I am going to make that trip somehow though. She knows me so well, she helps me through so much, and now she is about to leave.

Ben. (once again since only elin reads this i can say names.) I don't know how to possibly get him back. even if it is just for the next few months. he said he doesnt want to get attached but honestly i would feel much better having him for the while we had left then being around him and missing him so much. sometimes its hard for me not to get caught up in the moment with him and we just do silly things that make me think maybe he would want to make it work for the next few months too. but i try not to get my hopes up, i haven't expected much to work out for me for quite sometime until he came around of course. I was hoping somehow he would end up staying here, i am still hoping that,( thats not fair of me to hope though. he loves texas and i want him to be happy, im just being selfish right now) but now i am hoping, to start, that before he leaves we will have another chance, because i believe to hope for him to stay would be a greater disappointment then another chance. i am always so happy with this kid. If he could possibly just understand what i am thinking maybe something would be different. at least for a while. I don't know how to make him see. Not sure how i can tell him without saying any words.